supermomdoesntlivehere

Because motherhood will never be a perfect science

Slow as Molasses

Whoever came up with this saying didn’t know Baby girl. The word slow is an understatement to put it mildly. This child has no care to rush for ANYTHING. Picture the mornings…it hurts me to think of it especially since it’s only Monday.  The child will tell me 3 stories and show me 2 boo boos, explain why she hasn’t yet brushed her teeth and tattle tale on her sister each morning to use up at least a good 20 minutes of each morning. It’s enough to make me want to pull my hair out. Only when I’m on the verge of a total momma meltdown will she speed up from a slow walk to a quaint skip. The crazy thing is that it truly is a part of her make up. Or maybe that’s what I tell myself so I don’t send her packing  (to Nana’s house of course ). But even the way she was born was slow…I wouldn’t dilate! The OB-GYN was baffled since my first delivery was literally 5 hours including labour and the birth  (totally not bragging); and even though it was still a relatively short labour (6 1/2 hours), it should have been my first clue that this child had her own internal schedule.

But I’m not the only one that sees it. Her nickname in her kindergarten after school program was ‘slowpoke’ (only her favourite program director called her that). When she was leaving kindergarten and transferring schools in grade one, her kindergarten teacher gave her the book ‘The Tortoise and the Hare”. See what I mean?

But as slow as she can be some days she is also very much like that tortoise in the book…very determined. Whether it’s early potty training, progressing to chapter books, learning to jump rope or drive her mother crazy; that child never waivers…she takes it slow.

Slow as molasses.

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Another Mother’s Day 

Here’s to hoping you all had a wonderful Mother’s day or you made it a special day for any mother figures in your life.

I love the breakfast  (not in bed) and the handmade crafts and cards that say “You’re the Best Mom Ever!” I love the extra hugs and kisses and being able to sit for five minutes and feel like a queen.

Yup…

Before the sibling quarrels kick in and the hubby is cranky from “slaving over a hot stove” and mom duties must be resumed…

Sigh…

I vote for Mother’s WEEK. One day just isn’t enough. 

Who’s with me?

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Finally…but not quite

You know the excitement you feel when the kids are finally in bed and you actually have a chance to do something for yourself?

Read that book

Write that story

Watch that movie

Call that friend

Then you wake up at 3:30 in the morning and realize you fell asleep on the couch as soon as you sat down.

I think that’s known as an ‘epic fail’…

…or motherhood. 

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New Year 2017

Here we are in a new year!

It’s 2017! How amazing is that? 

We survived…

Another year of parenting our beautiful children. The babies,  school agers, preteens and teenagers. 

Tantrums, tears, runny noses, boo boos, rebellion, little spills, big messes, sibling fights and the temporary loss of your sanity…on a fairly consistent  basis.

We did it.

…and now we get to do it again for another year.

Stop crying and get a glass…I’ll get the wine. 

Happy new year! 🙂

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Another One Out!

Attention! Baby Girl lost the other front tooth!  I repeat…the other tooth is out!
Never mind how cute she looks and the fact that she lisps when she talks (Omg…it’s so cute!)
Let’s focus on the financial strain this child is placing on the…um…Tooth  Fairy.
Have you no compassion?
Where’s the nearest ATM?
In case the Tooth Fairy wants to know…of course.

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I Quit

To whom it may concern,

Please take this letter as my official two weeks notice. I hereby resign from my position as mom, mommy,  mama, problem solver, janitor, advisor, wife and keeper of everyone’s sanity.
I will be taking a well deserved month long vacation to recuperate. Please do not offer me a better salary as no amount of money can tempt me to continue to convince, cajole, cry and chastise. I will no longer kiss boo boos, soothe disappointments and referee squabbles. I am through scrubbing up stains,  picking up toys and locating lost items that are really really needed at the last minute. I quit I tell you. I will not succumb to wet kisses, strong hugs, precocious smiles and ‘I love you’. I’m sorry but I am thoroughly immune to all attempts to get me to remain in this position. I will be vacating my present accommodations in a timely manner after I snuggle with two very cute children (aka my daughters). However do not take this for a sign of weakness. I’m really leaving this time. I mean it.

Yours truly,
Tired, fed up mom

P.s. just hold onto this for the next time I pack it in.

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Back to School 2015

Two more sleeps until school starts…
Two more sleeps until my children are back to a routine
Two more sleeps until I can stop spending cases of money to keep them occupied
Two more sleeps people!
Are they prepared?
Who cares?!
I sure am!

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The Diva

I can’t believe it’s March already.
That means just over a month until the Diva’s birthday once again.
Eight years old!
Seriously?
Soccer, basketball, Pokemon and video games.
A little pink is now acceptable and a little nail polish is desired.
No dresses but skirts are okay.
Still loves her running shoes but would like a pair of dress shoes for special occasions.
No barbie dolls except when she is playing with her sister.
She can belch like a boy (sigh) but sing that damn Frozen song with the best of them.
She’s got swagger and she’s still my baby.

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BABY GIRL

Well, Baby girl is 3 ½ years old and she is as tricky as she is cute. I think of her as my little Minnie Mouse. Her voice goes up an octave at the end of each sentence or question. She scrunches up her nose when I say something that she doesn’t understand…like why she can’t have a lollipop at 7am.

She’s almost as quick as her sister with the comebacks. For example…

A few weeks ago we went out for lunch with Nana after gymnastics. As we enjoyed our food Baby girl was in a very talkative mood and spent more time talking than eating. At one point I said to her, “Okay, enough talking Missy Chatty, Chatty.” She immediately responded “Okay, Miss Coffee, Coffee!”

Ahem….I quietly sipped my coffee after that. My mother didn’t make a very good effort at hiding her smirk.

Very nice Nana….!

But she’s the sweetest thing most of the time. I get endless hugs and kisses whenever I ask. She offers to help in the kitchen and in the laundry room. She eats all of her fruits and veggies without arguing unlike her big sis. That reminds me of one day last week when she requested strawberries as her snack. Well, I was in the kitchen washing dishes and actually forgot to give them to her. That sweet little thing came into the kitchen and said….

Old woman…where are my strawberries?”

She had the smile of an angel…sigh.

Yes…I’m sure she’s only 3 ½. I was there when she was born.

Gotta love my Baby girl!

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MY SIX YEAR OLD TEENAGER

So…my Diva girl will be seven in a few months. But apparently that is actually 17 in kid years!!! Seriously, I wonder sometimes who this child of mine is. The attitude, the quick come backs, rolling of the eyes and quick temper. The girl gives me one raised eyebrow and the hand on hip pose; then we have the arms folded and the “I’m not your friend” phase. There are the “I just can’t stop crying!” episodes and also the ‘I don’t care’ stare downs (even though she really does!).

Some of you that know me, might try to imply that those are some of my qualities and/or behaviours, and to that I say….

We’re not talking about me right now, okay?

As I was saying, Diva girl is growing so quickly it really is scary sometimes. I sat in her room the other day remembering how it felt to hold her as a newborn and all of the uncertainty that I had as she wriggled around on my chest trying to find her comfort spot; or the love I felt when she grabbed my finger and held on for dear life. We were 2 people with no idea of the direction we needed to take, we just knew we would take it together.

Well, I think I change my mind. Yup, this kid is gonna have to get her own place or something, because one of us is about to lose their mind. Judging by the yelling, crying and tantrums…I think the neighbours would say it’s me!

Last Wednesday: time for school but no one wanted to get up (except when both Diva and Baby girl got up at 3 am and came into my room), so I decided to turn on the radio and get everyone’s juices flowing. They both love music so this is usually a sure way to get the day started. So on goes the radio and I’m dancing and waking everyone up. I start a conga line to the bathroom so they can brush their teeth…

It was a conga line of 1! There is sudden silence…

That cheeky bugger turned off the radio and pulled the blanket over her head! Now that is something that I would have done (and most certainly did) in my teen years. Baby girl was still snoring at this point and I had to shake my head and laugh…

Then I started yelling.

Okay fine, it was a mild raising of the voice to get them moving with loving words of encouragement.

Geez…!  ; )

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